Day of monotony

Long ago I was not. This is because, unfortunately, the lack of time. Now being in a class 4 technical college I have very little time for myself especially since I work every weekend. For me nothing has changed. Already working elsewhere, but other than that it's all the same. I still sometimes moments when I'm sick of everything but I try not to think about it although sometimes it is very heavy. However, I know that there are people that I can count. One such person is my sister, niece currently studying and living in Olsztyn, but sometimes arrives. Life is not easy, always throws us the logs under your feet. Sometimes we laugh, and for a while we cry. I, being the person who survives everything I have a harder time because everything in excess sometimes feel but never show what I feel with the other, all the feelings of the soul in itself. I can not in front of anyone to open enough to be honest to pain talk, say what you really feel. This is beyond my capabilities. Terribly concerned about others and I worry about them, but I can not share their problems with others. Sometimes we have moments where we have enough, I at least I have. A moment when I would like someone all say release it with each other, stop choke but I can not simply. I'm afraid that I will become a public persona, that someone did not treat seriously what I say, and then it's more being . . .

Easter-tears, melancholy

My life sucks. This is the truth. Easter, and I was alone at home, there is no even to speak up. All friends spend their time with their families. I unfortunately do not have a family, or at least that you interested in getting involved is what I feel and what I want. Sitting at home all the time, think practically. About my life and what it will be about the fact that others at the same time are among the people who love them. It's funny because I think I was the only I would like to live with your parents feel their love and enjoy their presence. I was not ever feel love, parental always missed me since I can remember. Melancholy comes at me especially in the holidays when I sit alone trying to recall a happy moment in my life involved with the family, but there is no such. The only light they are memories my foster grandmother, which I think that I loved because I felt that despite her anger when I did something wrong. With her I was happy with it I spent the most beautiful moments, even a trip to England after all was not so beautiful. My grandmother gave me love and happiness, now when it is not I was quite alone. I don't have one with you. Nobody can tell you what I feel for the truth, I have no friends that I could like to confide that I understood and not rejected. Because who would want to know someone like me. Pretending to be someone else better to me is to live, it's easier. No need to explain why I am sad and I have tears on the cheeks. Like everyone I love and happiness. Is it so much? Do I wish impossible? . . . Sometimes I fall asleep and never wake up, dreaming forever

Free Time,Terrorists, Bruxelles

As the title says I have a free school rests, and actually I rest. In Poland, Easter is coming so it's time to relax. Today, half of the day I spent on cleaning the House, doing spring cleaning. Now I just write this sitting and resting because tomorrow morning waiting for me. I do not know what to do. I do not have or inclination to draw or too much something to read, and in his mind the emptiness so stories don't you finish so far. A lot of impressions came and still comes which makes me extremely excited and motivated to write. I do not know whether to refer here by accident or you are really curious to know if you want me to answer this will be happy to read your comment. Maybe you have an idea, maybe something you wish you find out or see it on my blog, or maybe you have an idea to improve it because something is missing? We will gladly accept any help.

And now something about the last coup. Can You not celebrate or tired but I can't leave it just like that. It hurts me when I hear about subsequent attacks. Tule killed people who are innocent. Tears running down his cheeks, a sadness after their relatives everywhere. I do not understand why these terrorists so they want to be shocked the whole nation, not only of the opinion a horrible issue itself but about the people of the same nationality. I'm not against refugees or with them. I think that we should help each other because each one of us can meet such tragedy, people are bad guys and good guys. You good need help in the face of such tragedy. The same certainly myself never advise.
It is my opinion, and what is yours?

Unlucky Friday

So as the title says, today's the day for me was terribly unlucky. In the morning I had some events which as we know has not caused me a smile on his face. First bicycle padlock did not want to open, then fell me a new phone (Fortunately the whole), and at the end of the day, lost has just bought a Holster to your phone. A great day is not what. In addition, still I feel bad, and tomorrow in the morning until late in the evening. I do not know how tomorrow I stand those 10 hours with customer service, it will be a total massacre. I'd been in the House with a cup of warm milk with honey tomorrow but unfortunately I do not have such a possibility, I wanted to work on the weekends, now I have it. Thank you also to all those who are here, it's really nice to see that someone looks on your blog. Believe me it really motivates you to write.

Lepszy dzień?A może jednak nie?

Tak dziś miałam lepszy dzień.Może i jest poniedziałek, ale tydzień rozpoczął się w miarę dobrze nie licząc jedynki z matematyki.Niechętnie wstawałam dziś z łóżka z racji, że była to 6 godzina bo na 8 do szkoły.Chętnie pospałabym do późna, niestety jest to nie możliwe. Jak co dzień poszłam do szkoły. Nie było źle. Dowiedziałam się, że moja siostra cioteczna, która jest mi bardzo bliska i nie wiem jak to będzie gdy wyjedzie na studia dowiedziała się, że z jej klasy jedyna zdała próbną maturę z polskiego. Wow jestem z niej dumna bo wiem jak trudno jest zdać. Nie miałam dziś powodu do smutku, aż do chwili gdy to piszę. Teraz tak myśląc o tym, że niedługo może wyjechać na studia robi mi się smutno na sercu bo wiem, że kontakt nie będzie już taki jak jest. Co ja zrobię sama? Tak to zawsze mogłam z nią porozmawiać, pośmiać się razem z czegoś, czy wypić piwo, a co będzie teraz? Nie wiem sama, jedynie co wiem,że sporo się zmienia w moim życiu i jeszcze zmieni. Codziennie staram się nie myśleć o smutnych rzeczach i mieć pozytywne myśli. Chcę dążyć do spełnienia marzeń. Nie chcę na nikim polegać. Nie pamiętam kiedy bym polegała na matce czy kimś innym. Życie nauczyło mnie do tej pory jednego,że można liczyć jedynie na siebie, na nikogo innego. Może to i smutne, ale taka jest prawda. Chcę mieć lepsze życie niż obecnie mam, nie musieć martwić się smutkami tylko móc się cieszyć każdą chwilą jaką mam. Chcę podążać za marzeniem, które gdy się postaram może być osiągalne. Chcę połączyć pasję z pracą. Chcę po prostu szczęścia. Czasem między znajomymi chodzą rozmowy o tym jakie będzie życie i czy chcą mieć dzieci. Ja na obecną chwilę nie, bo skąd mogę mieć pewność, że będę dobrą matką skoro nie miałam dobrego przykładu. Nie chcę narażać w przyszłości dziecka na to co ja od dziecka przechodzę. Wolę być sama niż kogoś krzywdzić, powodować u kogoś łzy. Tak samo jest ze związkiem. Miałam chłopaka, którego skrzywdziłam i wiem to. Kochał mnie, ale ja nie potrafiłam pokochać jego. Nie potrafiłam ograniczyć się, żyć nie tylko dla siebie. Nie wiem czy potrafię kochać kogoś, kogoś innego niż rodzinę. Nie widziałam zbyt dużo przykładów miłości ani sama jej nie doświadczyłam. Wiem, że może być dziwne skoro czytam romanse to nie zakochałam się, ale taka prawda. Czytam je bo dla mnie to świat, w którym chciała bym żyć. Uciekam od codzienności, przenoszę się gdzie indziej gdy czytam jakiś romans. Jestem wtedy wolna, czuję się lepiej.


So today I had a better day. Maybe it'sMonday, but a week had startedreasonably well, not counting ones inmathematics. Reluctant to wstawałamtoday from the bed because it was a 6hour because at 8. Happy pospałabym tolate, unfortunately this is not possible.Like every day I went to school. It wasnot bad. I found out that my great aunt'ssister, who is very close to me and i donot know how it will be when you leavefor college she learned that from herclass only passed the test with a highschool diploma. Wow I am proud of itbecause I know how hard it is to pass. Ihad no reason today to sorrow, until thetime when I write this. Now just thinkingabout it, that may soon go to Collegemake me sad at heart because I knowthat the contact will no longer be such asit is. What I will do the same? So, I couldalways talk to her, laugh together withsomething, or drink a beer, and what willhappen now? I do not know, only what Iknow, that a lot of changes in my life andstill have change. Every day I try not tothink about the sad things and havepositive thoughts. I want to strive for thefulfillment of dreams. Don't want to relyon anyone. I can't remember when I wasthe mother or someone else. Life hastaught me to date, one that you cancount only on themselves, on anyoneelse. Maybe it's sad but it is true. I want tohave a better life than I currently have,will not have to worry about sorrows justto be able to enjoy every moment I have.I want to follow your dream, that whenI'll try may be achievable. I want tocombine passion with work. I just wanthappiness. Sometimes between friendsgo around talking about what life will beand whether they want to have children.I do not at the moment, because howcan I be sure that I will be a good motherif I was not a good example. I don't wantto jeopardize the future of the child forwhat I'm going through a child. I preferto be alone than to hurt someone, causesomeone to tears. The same is true withthe. I had a boyfriend, which hurt and i know it. He lovedme,but I couldn't love him. I could notconfine themselves to live not only formyself. I do not know if I can lovesomeone, someone other than thefamily. I have not seen too manyexamples of love or same notexperienced before. I know that it can beweird since I read romances is not fell inlove with,but it's true. I read thembecause to me, it's a world in which Iwanted to live. Escape from theeveryday, I move elsewhere when I reada romance. I'm then free, I feel better.

A na koniec piosenka, która wpadła mi dziś w ucho:

Moje życie...

Jest wiele osób piszących blogi.Ja nie jestem jedyna i to wiem. Wiem również, że warto podążać za marzeniami pomimo odległości. Ja dążę do spełnienia marzeń chociaż to nie jest łatwe, wręcz jest trudne bo moje życie nie jest cudowne. Czasami mam ochotę odpuścić skoro ludzie wokół mnie twierdzą, że nie  warto marzyć bo co mi z tego. Wychowałam się w rodzinie gdzie nie czułam się nigdy szczęśliwa na dłuższą metę. Może to dziwne bo niby jak dziecko może nie być szczęśliwe. Niestety ja byłam. Odkąd pamiętam rodzice się kłócili, zawsze były jakieś problemy. Życie nie było dla mnie łatwe i nadal nie jest. Będąc dzieckiem tak na prawdę dowiedziałam się, że mój tata tak na prawdę nim nie jest. Teraz mam osiemnaście lat i nadal to boli, ta niewiedza. Kim on jest? Czy wie o mnie? Czemu mnie nie chciał? Dość często zadaję sobie te pytania jednak nie potrafię na nie znaleźć odpowiedzi. Dla mnie to jedna wielka niewiadoma. Matki nie mam o co pytać bo wątpię by mi powiedziała. Nie mam z nią dobrych stosunków, tak na prawdę jestem pozostawiona sama sobie. Moje życie jest dalekie od ideału. Matka od trzech lat ma chłopaka z którym mieszka, a mną się mało co interesuje. Potrafi tylko narzekać i powodować kłótnie. Do domu nie pamiętam już kiedy przyjechała na dłużej niż chwilę. Sama sobie ze wszystkim muszę radzić.Jednak czasami mam dość, dość tego życia. Dość zakładania codziennie rano maski pod którą ukrywam swoje uczucia i prawdziwą siebie. Nie mam nikogo z kim mogła bym porozmawiać o tym co czują naprawdę i jak cierpię. Jedyną osobą która dawała mi poczucie bezpieczeństwa i miłości byłą moja babcia, która zmarła w 2011 roku. Od tamtej pory wszystko się zawaliło. Święta są zwykłymi dniami o których nie warto pamiętać. Tak na prawdę jedynie moje zwierzaki są przy mnie. To one powodują,że się czasami uśmiecham i nie jest to sztuczny uśmiech. Przy nich nie muszę nic ukrywać. Wolę spędzać czas w domu bo tu jestem sama ze sobą i nie muszę zakładać maski. W szkole wszyscy mają mnie za szaloną dziewczynę, która stara się dobrze uczyć i jest miła. Może to i lepiej bo po co miałabym się im tłumaczyć dlaczego chodzę smutna.Zakładam blog, nie dlatego aby zyskać popularność ale aby móc przelać to co czuję i może poczuć się lepiej. Nie dbam tutaj o pisownie bo błędów na pewno popełniam wiele.Nie jestem lingwistą.

There are many people who write blogs. I'm not the only one and I know. I also know that it is worth to follow dreams despite the distance. I strive to fulfill yourself a dream though it is not easy, indeed is difficult because my life is wonderful. Sometimes I feel like let go since people around me say that it is not worth to dream because I with this. I grew up in a family where I didn't feel like never happy in the long run. Maybe it's kind of strange because as a child you may not be happy. Unfortunately I was. Ever since I can remember parents arguing, there's always been some problems. Life was not easy for me and still is not. As a child in fact I found out that my dad so really it is not. Now I'm eighteen years old and still it hurts, this ignorance. Who is he? Do you know about me? Why I do not want? Quite often, I ask myself these questions, however, I can not find the answer. For me, it's one big question mark. Mothers do not have what to ask because I doubt that to me, she said. I do not have good relations with it, in fact I'm left to itself. My life is far from ideal. The mother of three years has a boyfriend with whom she lives, and me a few things I'm interested in. Can only complain and cause strife. Home I do not remember when she arrived for more than a moment. Myself with everything I need. However, sometimes I have quite enough of this life. Quite fitting mask every morning you hide your feelings and true self. I do not have anyone with whom I could talk about what you really feel and how I suffer. The only person that gave me a sense of security and love was my grandmother, who died in 2011. Since then, everything is destroyed. The holidays are the usual days not worth remembering. So it's really only my pets with me. They cause sometimes I smile and it is not an artificial smile. With them I don't have anything to hide. I prefer to spend my time at home because here I am alone with myself and I don't have to wear a mask. In high school we all have me for a wild girl who tries to teach well and is nice. Maybe it's better for what I looked like to them to explain why go sad. I assume the blog, not because to gain popularity but in order to be able to transfer what i feel and can make you feel better. I don't care about spelling mistakes because surely I'm doing a lot. I am not a linguist.