Never Back

I haven't been there for a long time. . . . I don't know why I let everything go, I left it. The multitude of thoughts and problems sometimes overwhelms me so much that I can't cope. Although I try to suppress feelings, what I feel does not always work. Sometimes it is very difficult to keep everything in check. It's hard not to show my friends and acquaintances how hard it can be to stop tears. . . . The moments where you have to smile stupidly pretend that everything is ok are the most difficult. It is difficult for me to enjoy someone's happiness when I lack my own happiness. I don't remember when I was happy. Probably at times as a child, when I spent time with my grandmother's holy memory. Now you can think whether I was happy with my parents. . . . I can't answer this question myself. I can't remember where I was happy, where I knew I was loved by them. It may be strange, but I never confessed to them that I love them. I also didn't hear from them that they love me.In addition, my dad died recently, and in fact my stepfather, because I don't know my real father. He brought me up and took care of me. Although he often had a drink, quarrels with his mother and at the age of 12 he shouted out to me that I wasn't his daughter, I remember how he picked me up from school, he taught me to cook broth. For several years I had no contact with him just as he gave me money. I now know that it was wrong on my part. My mother settled in the same way as I mentioned with her current fiancé and additionally she alienated me to my stepfather. Now he regrets it because in spite of everything he accepted me as his own daughter, he was at my birth. More than once he gave me money even if he hadn't had too much money himself. I was still worried about him, but I don't know why it was stupid for me to confess to myself and even more so to my mother. Now that he is no longer there is a week since his death, I regret it. I can't fix my case anymore. The worst thing is that I wasn't even at his funeral because I was afraid when other family members would look at me. I was afraid of the reactions of others, all in all, as always. I am a coward. I am afraid to express feelings, I prefer to keep feelings in myself than to talk about them because it is easier to do so. I don't know what to do. I got lost in my own life and I can't find myself.

New I. Happy?

Hello again dear reader. In recent times of my life there has been a lot of changes and it's positive. I was Deputy head at work, she returned my friend from Ukraine in the end! Tomorrow I meet with her Oh I can not wait and I regret that I have to sit in school for 13 hours. I was not last because I fell my laptop on Friday the 13th, of course. But I already have a peace in place of a netbook so I immediately write. As at the moment I'm happy with your purchase, we'll see if it will be so after prolonged use. No but what I'm going to bother with what I bought. My life transforms, so far in the positive side of everything goes I am immensely happy because I have enough sorrow and tears he wants to start to enjoy life and not cry. I want to enjoy life and the happiness to share with others.

In life, in fact, there are things worth fighting to the very end. - Paulo Coelho

How do you day has passed? Because me as somehow good, in high school I was only three hours. Was the day open to high school students so they can become familiar with the building and available opportunities for further learning. Showing them I noticed that they were very shy, afraid to try. I did so and I was able to go home. Ever since I came back to collect science for tomorrow because he is waiting for me tomorrow test of geography. So you have that you'd like to take to learn and you will not go? All of a sudden are there any commitments or you need to do something in the same time as you learn?
I have. I'm sitting already probably the fifth time next to the books and still went to them. Promises to be an interesting test this tomorrow.
And as for my good humor, I hope that this will remain so because if you've read my previous posts guessed that rarely are days when I'm in a good mood. In addition, I am pleased by the fact that over the nearly 4 months is more than 300 impressions. It really motivates you. Sometimes it is here by writing to let loose, relaxes. The addition of music, then what? It depends on the mood already.
Now I listen to while writing the text of the song:

I like it and you?

Słońce za oknem ! The sun behind the window!

Tak jak mówi sam tytuł za naszymi oknami pojawiło się przez wszystkich wyczekiwane niecierpliwie słoneczko. Dziś dzień był bardzo piękny, aż chciało się wyjść z domu i cieszyć się każdą chwilą, którą mamy. Jest to zapewne zwiastun zbliżającej się wielkimi krokami wiosny. Ja czekam niecierpliwie na cieplejsze dni by móc zrzucić zimowe kurtkę, ubrać się lżej. A wy też oczekujecie na takie cieplutkie dni? A jeśli chodzi o moje życie no cóż w nim nic się nie zmieniło choćbym bardzo tego chciała. Obecnie mam również stan zapalny prawego oka, a przez co? Przez dwufazowy płyn do demakijażu oczu firmy Lirene. Nie polecam go osobom, które nie miały z nim wcześniej do czynienia bo mogą się spotkać z przykrymi efektami ubocznymi. Wiem, że ostatnio strasznie mało piszę ale jakoś nie mam czasu, a to praca a to szkoła zawsze coś się znajdzie.


As the title says, for our Windows popped up by all eagerly awaited Sun. Today was a very beautiful until the wanted to get out of the House and enjoy every moment you have. This is probably a harbinger of the upcoming Spring strode. I am waiting eagerly for warmer days in order to be able to shed the winter jacket, dress lightly. And you also expect such light days? And when it comes to my life well in it nothing has changed very much, even if she wanted to. Now I also have inflammation of the right eye, and for what? By two-phase make-up Remover eyes company Lirene. I would not recommend it to people who don't have it to do because they can meet with unpleasant side effects. I know that the last terribly low write but somehow I do not have the time, and it's work and that the school always find something.

Witam po przerwie Hello after a break

Przepraszam, że rzadko tutaj bywam ale natłok nauki jest ogromny, czasami już nie daję rady Do tego dochodzi praca i inne obowiązki. Obecnie siedzę na łóżku z laptopem na kolanach otoczona książkami, które czekają aby się nimi zająć. Masa nauki mimo, że matura za rok. Nauczyciele nie rozumieją uczniów, dla nich ważne jest to by zrealizować temat i mieć święty spokój. Nie interesuje ich, że nie dajemy rady, że to za dużo. Masz to zrobić i koniec bo ocena niedostateczna. Niestety niesprawiedliwość nadal istnieje. Nikt tego nie powstrzyma . Pamiętam, że kiedyś szkoła była dla mnie czymś miłym bo mogłam dowiedzieć się nowych rzeczy, czegoś ciekawego nauczyć, obecnie mam jej dość. Jak można słuchać w kółko i to samo tego samego. To jest już przesada wystarczy to raz przerobić. Po co też uczyć się gdzie jest jakieś miasto czy obiekt skoro i tak mało nas to obchodzi bo nie mamy zamiar pojechać tam, a jeśli nawet to sami potrafimy odnaleźć informacje na ten temat. Na tym niestety zakończę gdyż muszę wracać do nauki. Na umilenie reszty dnia, a dla niektórych moich czytelników z tego co zauważyłam początku dnia pozostawiam piosenkę uczestniczki tegorocznej Eurowizji 2016 Aidy Nikolaychuk. Zaczęłam jej słuchać po tym jak przez przypadek wpadłam na nagranie rosyjskiego muzycznego show gdzie jej głos był niezwykły, sędziowie myśleli, że to nie ona śpiewa.

I'm sorry that I rarely visit here but the plethora of science is a huge, sometimes already do not give advice To that work and other obligations. Now I'm sitting on the bed with the laptop on my lap surrounded by books that are waiting to take care of them. The weight of science although the school for a year. Teachers don't understand the students, it is important for them to realise about it and have peace of mind. I'm not interested in them, they do not give advice that is too much. You have to do it and the end because insufficient assessment. Unfortunately there is still injustice. No one can stop. I remember that I used the school for me was something nice because I was able to learn new things, to learn something interesting, now I have it fairly. How can you listen to over and over again and the same thing of the same. This is already too much just this time. After which they learn where a city or an object once and so little we care because we have no intention to go there, and even if this alone we can find information on this topic. At the end, unfortunately, because I have to go back to science. To make the rest of the day, and for some of my readers from what I noticed early in the day I leave the song of this year's Eurovision Song Contest contestants 2016 Aida Nikolaychuk. I started to listen to it once by accident, I got a recording of the music of the Russian show where her voice was remarkable, the judges thought that it is not she sings.