Hi...

Hi,

I'm often not here and I don't write anything. Unfortunately, my life is getting worse and worse. I thought for a while that it was good. . . . However, it was temporary. I met great people and spent a nice time. I was even at the next edition of Fame MMA 3. What I felt when my friend won is indescribable. Everything was nice to this day. The boy I met a few months ago and I like him quite strongly because I'm jealous of him as I've never found out about one thing a month ago I borrowed 50 zlotys from our friend when I was on a trip and forgot to give him back. He said it to the one I like. It turned out that he probably broke his knowledge of what I understood and he doesn't want to deal with me. It feels like a wreck, a garbage. It was the first time I was so concerned. I care a lot about him and even if he doesn't see it, she would like me to be more than just a buddy. Everything is collapsing now. I have outstanding loans to repay, I can't find a job, I've been drawn into a crime unconsciously and the day after tomorrow I have a case in court to relinquish my stepfather's inheritance. I feel that with this colleague it will not be the same anymore. Recently he also wrote what I am doing on 1 April, i. e. today. We were supposed to meet. Today, when asked if we see each other, he wrote to me that let's rest, that he will only meet a friend and return home. Totally he forgot that he was arranging with me. I didn't write it to him, but I took a special day off, even though I need a lot of money now. I feel very bad at the moment and I want to throw everything away and run away. Close yourself in the room and don't leave it any more. I want to cry. I know it's stupid because in total he didn't give me any clear signs than he treated me like a friend but I just started to care about him, and now when I lose this knowledge my heart breaks. For the first time in my life I felt something so strong that I could be jealous of the boy and now she wanted me not to get to know him because I wouldn't suffer at least.

Sometimes I think...

Sometimes I think that life likes to put obstacles on the way to us. Is not here talking about me but about a colleague, which is for me a close up and very worried about it. I'm worried because he has problems, and it is a very sensitive girl. I would like to help her somehow but I can not, I do not know how I could. Same I have never been on her site, not lost love. I do not know what you may feel now only do I guess and imagine.

Carnival of life?

Life is one great Carnival or perhaps skit itself did not know exactly. Every day we wake up not knowing really what will bring us this day, what will be next. Surround us people that really don't know although we give them all your cares and worries. We can never be sure that our secrets remain just for them, no one else to know. There is always the risk that most people take, and then regrets it. I don't want to take that risk, I'm not so bold, very afraid of suffering that will come. For me, it's something much more than a simple expression of their feelings of the other person. I prefer to close in on itself than someone talk about what I feel, I prefer to stop your feelings to yourself.

Why I say that life is a Carnival? Maybe that's why every day, each takes a different mask, which often can not guess. Every day we assume a different costume, costume. Waking up not know what disguise we will set up. We cannot predict what will happen the next day or in a few minutes. Everything we are planning may disappear for one small thing. 

Me and My Live

Here I throw posts and do not know what? Probably the only for myself because like for someone else when no one is there. Rather, you are not interested in the life of a boring Polish 19 year old girls with problems in everyday life. Well, however, I next I wrote because I find it easier to just withstand with all that surrounds me with life because sometimes me it transcends, probably not only me, but also i was. Sometimes everyone has such thoughts where has enough life would like to shut up in an empty room and shout. Well life is shit. Will never be well I guess, or at least as we wanted to. No but what next we go through life. Soon waiting me to start the next stage in life. Currently waiting for me, and then studies of course if I pass a high school diploma because if not the same I do not know what I do, not thinking about the possibility of not takes the exam. Well life is unpredictable so I can't predict what will happen tomorrow, let alone speaking for several months. 

Back to memories

Sitting at home in the day off because we have a national day meditate and remember. Now when I sit in front of my laptop remind me of the moments in life that shaped me as I am now. I mention friends and enemies, moments that are gone, family and loved ones. Sometimes I want to change everything, go back to those moments to do something more or change something. I'm probably the only such person, but one of the few that are not afraid to talk about it, and actually write. Make a lot of mistakes in my life that I would like to fix it, which if I'd just may not have committed, I would never. While in College, along with her friend remember that steal money from class colleagues, who took them. Soon it all came to light. Now when these moments I recall it was not worth it, and eat such a humiliation for the stupid 40 PLN. But what we were then just children who are taught only life. I think, however, that it led me to who I am now, gave me a lesson for the future. Currently, I am a person in itself, others know me as much as they let me only. I prefer to read in the room than partying. I've been working out in the shop with clothing, and I've gotten honest to a fault, I try to live so that I don't have to be ashamed for itself. It is one of the many memories so that the rest is dearer. For example, as I stayed with friends, sleep in a tent in her back yard when we were wearing in two suddenly something started banging in tent and open closed entrance, I remember that awful to be afraid, but in the end, the same laugh at each other. We were very good friends. Unfortunately, the friend has not survived and fell apart in high school. It has changed drastically, so much so that her writings not, not in terms of appearance, but behavior became quite a different girl, but unfortunately I do not have time for me. It's sad how people changed society and how it's easy to forget about the people who were close to him. Sometimes sitting in the room it is writing saves me, it helps to pour out emotions roiling tides in me, emotions that can sometimes overwhelm me, with whom I can not cope. Writing is my stepping stone from it all, this is something that makes me great pleasure. Therefore, I would like to someday work as a journalist, and in his spare time to write stories because according to some I'm doing it as well. Maybe someday I will put here a slice of one of the stories. Maybe it will be on the occasion of the 1000 page views of your blog? The same I do not know.