Never Back

I haven't been there for a long time. . . . I don't know why I let everything go, I left it. The multitude of thoughts and problems sometimes overwhelms me so much that I can't cope. Although I try to suppress feelings, what I feel does not always work. Sometimes it is very difficult to keep everything in check. It's hard not to show my friends and acquaintances how hard it can be to stop tears. . . . The moments where you have to smile stupidly pretend that everything is ok are the most difficult. It is difficult for me to enjoy someone's happiness when I lack my own happiness. I don't remember when I was happy. Probably at times as a child, when I spent time with my grandmother's holy memory. Now you can think whether I was happy with my parents. . . . I can't answer this question myself. I can't remember where I was happy, where I knew I was loved by them. It may be strange, but I never confessed to them that I love them. I also didn't hear from them that they love me.In addition, my dad died recently, and in fact my stepfather, because I don't know my real father. He brought me up and took care of me. Although he often had a drink, quarrels with his mother and at the age of 12 he shouted out to me that I wasn't his daughter, I remember how he picked me up from school, he taught me to cook broth. For several years I had no contact with him just as he gave me money. I now know that it was wrong on my part. My mother settled in the same way as I mentioned with her current fiancé and additionally she alienated me to my stepfather. Now he regrets it because in spite of everything he accepted me as his own daughter, he was at my birth. More than once he gave me money even if he hadn't had too much money himself. I was still worried about him, but I don't know why it was stupid for me to confess to myself and even more so to my mother. Now that he is no longer there is a week since his death, I regret it. I can't fix my case anymore. The worst thing is that I wasn't even at his funeral because I was afraid when other family members would look at me. I was afraid of the reactions of others, all in all, as always. I am a coward. I am afraid to express feelings, I prefer to keep feelings in myself than to talk about them because it is easier to do so. I don't know what to do. I got lost in my own life and I can't find myself.

Sometimes I think...

Sometimes I think that life likes to put obstacles on the way to us. Is not here talking about me but about a colleague, which is for me a close up and very worried about it. I'm worried because he has problems, and it is a very sensitive girl. I would like to help her somehow but I can not, I do not know how I could. Same I have never been on her site, not lost love. I do not know what you may feel now only do I guess and imagine.

Neck or nothing

Not long ago I wrote because I really didn't know what, I had no time. The life of a young person may seem easy, but it is only a semblance. Every day waiting for me the next challenge. Parents tell us that science is nothing difficult, records that this is no problem. Unfortunately, they are wrong. While adults have forgotten what it is like to be a student. Forget that pressure does not help. For me as a student 4 technical college still checking are not easy, often I have so that I am afraid, I forget everything what I have studied. A test, exam, baccalaureate . . . This can be compared to a job interview, a presentation, an instance of the. This is the same the same stress. Unfortunately, no one ever goes to this in this way. Teachers do not understand us, do not know how it is hard for us to learn to test this specific. Education is very important in a person's life, but not necessary. Because frankly you teach us what school we teach ourselves? Write, we can learn at home, like add, subtract, multiply, divide because more mathematics in life we will use. What us the volume of the pyramid or the height of the triangle, or its angle? This should be taught if you want, and you do not have to.But not everyone has to learn something which is not necessarily his life needed. I want to study journalism and Social Communication. Do you need me there the math? No, there I need Polish as much as possible. I am not writing this just for that, I'm opposed to education, not don't get it that way. Now sitting on the bed with the laptop on my lap just I put your thoughts. That's all. Life is not easy, no matter if you have 5 years or 50. We always have some problems. Everyone would like to have the best life, but not everyone has the chance to. Born in a family where the parents are not able to find love, no luck it is even more difficult because no one supports you in your quest to fulfill dreams. On the contrary, they can laugh at you, or just to say that you will not succeed. It does not help for sure. If my mom knew about this blog probably to me wyśmiała because I've never understood me, never we were and we are not close to each other. For it is that I want to be a journalist is nothing, argues that this does not work, I will not be able to keep. Last, even when I said that I am going to study in absentia and found that I can maintain itself. Unfortunately, we do not look at it that I've been working for more than a year to have only a little money on clothes or cosmetics to me because she did not gave it walk me soon studies which are not cheap. A month I will have to pay for them quite a lot, and wages in Poland are not high. With about a thousand of gold or about 230 euro nearly 103 euro will go monthly installment for college I have no way to itself completely. Unfortunately, she cannot see this, does not understand me and only me hurt . . .

Carnival of life?

Life is one great Carnival or perhaps skit itself did not know exactly. Every day we wake up not knowing really what will bring us this day, what will be next. Surround us people that really don't know although we give them all your cares and worries. We can never be sure that our secrets remain just for them, no one else to know. There is always the risk that most people take, and then regrets it. I don't want to take that risk, I'm not so bold, very afraid of suffering that will come. For me, it's something much more than a simple expression of their feelings of the other person. I prefer to close in on itself than someone talk about what I feel, I prefer to stop your feelings to yourself.

Why I say that life is a Carnival? Maybe that's why every day, each takes a different mask, which often can not guess. Every day we assume a different costume, costume. Waking up not know what disguise we will set up. We cannot predict what will happen the next day or in a few minutes. Everything we are planning may disappear for one small thing. 

Me and My Live

Here I throw posts and do not know what? Probably the only for myself because like for someone else when no one is there. Rather, you are not interested in the life of a boring Polish 19 year old girls with problems in everyday life. Well, however, I next I wrote because I find it easier to just withstand with all that surrounds me with life because sometimes me it transcends, probably not only me, but also i was. Sometimes everyone has such thoughts where has enough life would like to shut up in an empty room and shout. Well life is shit. Will never be well I guess, or at least as we wanted to. No but what next we go through life. Soon waiting me to start the next stage in life. Currently waiting for me, and then studies of course if I pass a high school diploma because if not the same I do not know what I do, not thinking about the possibility of not takes the exam. Well life is unpredictable so I can't predict what will happen tomorrow, let alone speaking for several months. 

Hello It's Me

Hejka then again I, so after a long break I decided to finally write something. I am currently a contrasting school still learning and science, Einstein or Hamlet. You can go mad, but oh well such is life. Recently, I was just wondering on how to make it look like my life if I hadn't gone to Harvard or Oxford. From what I read that there were on the Internet itself, it appears that the brew is so hard to not appearances to get on any of the University. But not looking too far into the future I'm curious what's going on with you dogs reader or czytelniczko. My life is currently in: I do not want to do anything in addition to healthy eating. Recently I started to mix the fruits of mixing them, they are delicious and very healthy. Now, to my taste a cocktail from banana, kiwi and oranges, it is delicious and even without added sugar it tastes wonderful. Do you also like something healthy to eat or drink instead of calories? I'm curious how many people also prefer healthier things.

If you have any questions and you do not want to ask them here go ahead write on meil: kasiula29. 04@gmail. com and feel free to track my:
 snapchat: mysiaa97
 instagram: memories.

Thank You!

I am blown away! After yesterday's post impressions very quickly grew to almost 500. It's really a feat. This excited me tremendously. Getting up in the morning when I saw the number of the day is immediately improved, each blogger seeing so fast growth will be really happy. Assuming your blog did not expect that will go on until the number of people. It's a very motivated to continue writing, letting their own feelings. You can forget about everyday life and, like reading a book mute so and writing for you. To this end and very thank for the fact that you are here.

In life, in fact, there are things worth fighting to the very end. - Paulo Coelho

How do you day has passed? Because me as somehow good, in high school I was only three hours. Was the day open to high school students so they can become familiar with the building and available opportunities for further learning. Showing them I noticed that they were very shy, afraid to try. I did so and I was able to go home. Ever since I came back to collect science for tomorrow because he is waiting for me tomorrow test of geography. So you have that you'd like to take to learn and you will not go? All of a sudden are there any commitments or you need to do something in the same time as you learn?
I have. I'm sitting already probably the fifth time next to the books and still went to them. Promises to be an interesting test this tomorrow.
And as for my good humor, I hope that this will remain so because if you've read my previous posts guessed that rarely are days when I'm in a good mood. In addition, I am pleased by the fact that over the nearly 4 months is more than 300 impressions. It really motivates you. Sometimes it is here by writing to let loose, relaxes. The addition of music, then what? It depends on the mood already.
Now I listen to while writing the text of the song:

I like it and you?