Never Back

I haven't been there for a long time. . . . I don't know why I let everything go, I left it. The multitude of thoughts and problems sometimes overwhelms me so much that I can't cope. Although I try to suppress feelings, what I feel does not always work. Sometimes it is very difficult to keep everything in check. It's hard not to show my friends and acquaintances how hard it can be to stop tears. . . . The moments where you have to smile stupidly pretend that everything is ok are the most difficult. It is difficult for me to enjoy someone's happiness when I lack my own happiness. I don't remember when I was happy. Probably at times as a child, when I spent time with my grandmother's holy memory. Now you can think whether I was happy with my parents. . . . I can't answer this question myself. I can't remember where I was happy, where I knew I was loved by them. It may be strange, but I never confessed to them that I love them. I also didn't hear from them that they love me.In addition, my dad died recently, and in fact my stepfather, because I don't know my real father. He brought me up and took care of me. Although he often had a drink, quarrels with his mother and at the age of 12 he shouted out to me that I wasn't his daughter, I remember how he picked me up from school, he taught me to cook broth. For several years I had no contact with him just as he gave me money. I now know that it was wrong on my part. My mother settled in the same way as I mentioned with her current fiancé and additionally she alienated me to my stepfather. Now he regrets it because in spite of everything he accepted me as his own daughter, he was at my birth. More than once he gave me money even if he hadn't had too much money himself. I was still worried about him, but I don't know why it was stupid for me to confess to myself and even more so to my mother. Now that he is no longer there is a week since his death, I regret it. I can't fix my case anymore. The worst thing is that I wasn't even at his funeral because I was afraid when other family members would look at me. I was afraid of the reactions of others, all in all, as always. I am a coward. I am afraid to express feelings, I prefer to keep feelings in myself than to talk about them because it is easier to do so. I don't know what to do. I got lost in my own life and I can't find myself.

Sometimes I think...

Sometimes I think that life likes to put obstacles on the way to us. Is not here talking about me but about a colleague, which is for me a close up and very worried about it. I'm worried because he has problems, and it is a very sensitive girl. I would like to help her somehow but I can not, I do not know how I could. Same I have never been on her site, not lost love. I do not know what you may feel now only do I guess and imagine.

Neck or nothing

Not long ago I wrote because I really didn't know what, I had no time. The life of a young person may seem easy, but it is only a semblance. Every day waiting for me the next challenge. Parents tell us that science is nothing difficult, records that this is no problem. Unfortunately, they are wrong. While adults have forgotten what it is like to be a student. Forget that pressure does not help. For me as a student 4 technical college still checking are not easy, often I have so that I am afraid, I forget everything what I have studied. A test, exam, baccalaureate . . . This can be compared to a job interview, a presentation, an instance of the. This is the same the same stress. Unfortunately, no one ever goes to this in this way. Teachers do not understand us, do not know how it is hard for us to learn to test this specific. Education is very important in a person's life, but not necessary. Because frankly you teach us what school we teach ourselves? Write, we can learn at home, like add, subtract, multiply, divide because more mathematics in life we will use. What us the volume of the pyramid or the height of the triangle, or its angle? This should be taught if you want, and you do not have to.But not everyone has to learn something which is not necessarily his life needed. I want to study journalism and Social Communication. Do you need me there the math? No, there I need Polish as much as possible. I am not writing this just for that, I'm opposed to education, not don't get it that way. Now sitting on the bed with the laptop on my lap just I put your thoughts. That's all. Life is not easy, no matter if you have 5 years or 50. We always have some problems. Everyone would like to have the best life, but not everyone has the chance to. Born in a family where the parents are not able to find love, no luck it is even more difficult because no one supports you in your quest to fulfill dreams. On the contrary, they can laugh at you, or just to say that you will not succeed. It does not help for sure. If my mom knew about this blog probably to me wyśmiała because I've never understood me, never we were and we are not close to each other. For it is that I want to be a journalist is nothing, argues that this does not work, I will not be able to keep. Last, even when I said that I am going to study in absentia and found that I can maintain itself. Unfortunately, we do not look at it that I've been working for more than a year to have only a little money on clothes or cosmetics to me because she did not gave it walk me soon studies which are not cheap. A month I will have to pay for them quite a lot, and wages in Poland are not high. With about a thousand of gold or about 230 euro nearly 103 euro will go monthly installment for college I have no way to itself completely. Unfortunately, she cannot see this, does not understand me and only me hurt . . .

Best Friend? Who?

Sitting in front of a laptop overtook me, a thought that I think not only me touched. For sure in life also had a situation where the doubt that you have real friends. I do not have them, I say this being a 100%. I'm not so that someone I can talk to without barriers. Maybe it's better. I prefer to withhold some things because I know that I could later regret that he she knows. You can never trust someone in 100% because always the few percent of this uncertainty will be in the US. Is an inevitable part of the US. There will always be risks and fear. It may seem strange to you the unthinkable but it's the truth, I do not want to trust anyone in 100% because I do not want to suffer. In humans it is easy to drive. Little, however, we are talking about your feelings. Few people who openly talks about what he thinks or feels. A friend is the one who should go first. And what if he only pretends to be our friend? We can't be sure. We do not know the truth. 

A lot of people do not dare however prevent himself thinks he can be denied. Here on the blog I move topics that hardly anyone dares to. I wouldn't dare to write in your own language, none of my environment does not know about this blog. However, this blog lets me sometimes feel better. Throw yourself is what I feel. 

My snapchat: realmebl

Carnival of life?

Life is one great Carnival or perhaps skit itself did not know exactly. Every day we wake up not knowing really what will bring us this day, what will be next. Surround us people that really don't know although we give them all your cares and worries. We can never be sure that our secrets remain just for them, no one else to know. There is always the risk that most people take, and then regrets it. I don't want to take that risk, I'm not so bold, very afraid of suffering that will come. For me, it's something much more than a simple expression of their feelings of the other person. I prefer to close in on itself than someone talk about what I feel, I prefer to stop your feelings to yourself.

Why I say that life is a Carnival? Maybe that's why every day, each takes a different mask, which often can not guess. Every day we assume a different costume, costume. Waking up not know what disguise we will set up. We cannot predict what will happen the next day or in a few minutes. Everything we are planning may disappear for one small thing. 

Me and My Live

Here I throw posts and do not know what? Probably the only for myself because like for someone else when no one is there. Rather, you are not interested in the life of a boring Polish 19 year old girls with problems in everyday life. Well, however, I next I wrote because I find it easier to just withstand with all that surrounds me with life because sometimes me it transcends, probably not only me, but also i was. Sometimes everyone has such thoughts where has enough life would like to shut up in an empty room and shout. Well life is shit. Will never be well I guess, or at least as we wanted to. No but what next we go through life. Soon waiting me to start the next stage in life. Currently waiting for me, and then studies of course if I pass a high school diploma because if not the same I do not know what I do, not thinking about the possibility of not takes the exam. Well life is unpredictable so I can't predict what will happen tomorrow, let alone speaking for several months. 

Depression :-( My live is good for nothing

Not long ago I have discussed here. The reason was simply had too little time to devote to writing. Now the storm got me depression, sadness, frustration. I still cry when I think about how I use and how I've given up on actually colleague. I do not know whether you did I mention but may I am deputy head at the store. My head and knew it well that from September back to school and my lesson plan can be so arranged, that finish late and did not have the problem, argued that somehow we'll manage. About a month ago, however, have stated that they do not want to I was further Deputy and that the search will be on my place someone, and I have to go to work on weekends, which is a position that really does not exist, the position from which I started. Today I learned that I can be moved to another shop because two people on weekends may not be. I feel horrible because I tried to as I could, everything I learned and I that I can cope. I did the errors because no one has trained me as an alternate, from mistakes to teach everyone. So many tears I lost because I really care about working in this store and this store. This is my first job and I know that's not there but I don't want to simply be moved to a different shop and learn everything from scratch, read with the composition. I doubt that I was so great and the friendly atmosphere which is currently. I'm broken down and I do not know what to do. Next month comes my successor, Deputy Head of the new, I obviously I need this to lose because I have less hours which is associated with lower earnings. If they wanted to move me to another store I thought about after talking directly with the boss about it. Now it is not about position because I can recover them as I finish school in April, and I can adapt to the new Deputy, it's just a post but it certainly will not be able to a new Deputy as much as me and knew so much about the brand and the customer. On the one hand, I feel like quitting this job, but I don't want to leave because they were drawn to this store where great coping and know everything, and the people I work with. I do not know how I help it if I take, I'm afraid. :(

New I. Happy?

Hello again dear reader. In recent times of my life there has been a lot of changes and it's positive. I was Deputy head at work, she returned my friend from Ukraine in the end! Tomorrow I meet with her Oh I can not wait and I regret that I have to sit in school for 13 hours. I was not last because I fell my laptop on Friday the 13th, of course. But I already have a peace in place of a netbook so I immediately write. As at the moment I'm happy with your purchase, we'll see if it will be so after prolonged use. No but what I'm going to bother with what I bought. My life transforms, so far in the positive side of everything goes I am immensely happy because I have enough sorrow and tears he wants to start to enjoy life and not cry. I want to enjoy life and the happiness to share with others.

Back to memories

Sitting at home in the day off because we have a national day meditate and remember. Now when I sit in front of my laptop remind me of the moments in life that shaped me as I am now. I mention friends and enemies, moments that are gone, family and loved ones. Sometimes I want to change everything, go back to those moments to do something more or change something. I'm probably the only such person, but one of the few that are not afraid to talk about it, and actually write. Make a lot of mistakes in my life that I would like to fix it, which if I'd just may not have committed, I would never. While in College, along with her friend remember that steal money from class colleagues, who took them. Soon it all came to light. Now when these moments I recall it was not worth it, and eat such a humiliation for the stupid 40 PLN. But what we were then just children who are taught only life. I think, however, that it led me to who I am now, gave me a lesson for the future. Currently, I am a person in itself, others know me as much as they let me only. I prefer to read in the room than partying. I've been working out in the shop with clothing, and I've gotten honest to a fault, I try to live so that I don't have to be ashamed for itself. It is one of the many memories so that the rest is dearer. For example, as I stayed with friends, sleep in a tent in her back yard when we were wearing in two suddenly something started banging in tent and open closed entrance, I remember that awful to be afraid, but in the end, the same laugh at each other. We were very good friends. Unfortunately, the friend has not survived and fell apart in high school. It has changed drastically, so much so that her writings not, not in terms of appearance, but behavior became quite a different girl, but unfortunately I do not have time for me. It's sad how people changed society and how it's easy to forget about the people who were close to him. Sometimes sitting in the room it is writing saves me, it helps to pour out emotions roiling tides in me, emotions that can sometimes overwhelm me, with whom I can not cope. Writing is my stepping stone from it all, this is something that makes me great pleasure. Therefore, I would like to someday work as a journalist, and in his spare time to write stories because according to some I'm doing it as well. Maybe someday I will put here a slice of one of the stories. Maybe it will be on the occasion of the 1000 page views of your blog? The same I do not know.

Hello It's Me

Hejka then again I, so after a long break I decided to finally write something. I am currently a contrasting school still learning and science, Einstein or Hamlet. You can go mad, but oh well such is life. Recently, I was just wondering on how to make it look like my life if I hadn't gone to Harvard or Oxford. From what I read that there were on the Internet itself, it appears that the brew is so hard to not appearances to get on any of the University. But not looking too far into the future I'm curious what's going on with you dogs reader or czytelniczko. My life is currently in: I do not want to do anything in addition to healthy eating. Recently I started to mix the fruits of mixing them, they are delicious and very healthy. Now, to my taste a cocktail from banana, kiwi and oranges, it is delicious and even without added sugar it tastes wonderful. Do you also like something healthy to eat or drink instead of calories? I'm curious how many people also prefer healthier things.

If you have any questions and you do not want to ask them here go ahead write on meil: kasiula29. 04@gmail. com and feel free to track my:
 snapchat: mysiaa97
 instagram: memories.

Thank You!

I am blown away! After yesterday's post impressions very quickly grew to almost 500. It's really a feat. This excited me tremendously. Getting up in the morning when I saw the number of the day is immediately improved, each blogger seeing so fast growth will be really happy. Assuming your blog did not expect that will go on until the number of people. It's a very motivated to continue writing, letting their own feelings. You can forget about everyday life and, like reading a book mute so and writing for you. To this end and very thank for the fact that you are here.

In life, in fact, there are things worth fighting to the very end. - Paulo Coelho

How do you day has passed? Because me as somehow good, in high school I was only three hours. Was the day open to high school students so they can become familiar with the building and available opportunities for further learning. Showing them I noticed that they were very shy, afraid to try. I did so and I was able to go home. Ever since I came back to collect science for tomorrow because he is waiting for me tomorrow test of geography. So you have that you'd like to take to learn and you will not go? All of a sudden are there any commitments or you need to do something in the same time as you learn?
I have. I'm sitting already probably the fifth time next to the books and still went to them. Promises to be an interesting test this tomorrow.
And as for my good humor, I hope that this will remain so because if you've read my previous posts guessed that rarely are days when I'm in a good mood. In addition, I am pleased by the fact that over the nearly 4 months is more than 300 impressions. It really motivates you. Sometimes it is here by writing to let loose, relaxes. The addition of music, then what? It depends on the mood already.
Now I listen to while writing the text of the song:

I like it and you?

Easter-tears, melancholy

My life sucks. This is the truth. Easter, and I was alone at home, there is no even to speak up. All friends spend their time with their families. I unfortunately do not have a family, or at least that you interested in getting involved is what I feel and what I want. Sitting at home all the time, think practically. About my life and what it will be about the fact that others at the same time are among the people who love them. It's funny because I think I was the only I would like to live with your parents feel their love and enjoy their presence. I was not ever feel love, parental always missed me since I can remember. Melancholy comes at me especially in the holidays when I sit alone trying to recall a happy moment in my life involved with the family, but there is no such. The only light they are memories my foster grandmother, which I think that I loved because I felt that despite her anger when I did something wrong. With her I was happy with it I spent the most beautiful moments, even a trip to England after all was not so beautiful. My grandmother gave me love and happiness, now when it is not I was quite alone. I don't have one with you. Nobody can tell you what I feel for the truth, I have no friends that I could like to confide that I understood and not rejected. Because who would want to know someone like me. Pretending to be someone else better to me is to live, it's easier. No need to explain why I am sad and I have tears on the cheeks. Like everyone I love and happiness. Is it so much? Do I wish impossible? . . . Sometimes I fall asleep and never wake up, dreaming forever

Słońce za oknem ! The sun behind the window!

Tak jak mówi sam tytuł za naszymi oknami pojawiło się przez wszystkich wyczekiwane niecierpliwie słoneczko. Dziś dzień był bardzo piękny, aż chciało się wyjść z domu i cieszyć się każdą chwilą, którą mamy. Jest to zapewne zwiastun zbliżającej się wielkimi krokami wiosny. Ja czekam niecierpliwie na cieplejsze dni by móc zrzucić zimowe kurtkę, ubrać się lżej. A wy też oczekujecie na takie cieplutkie dni? A jeśli chodzi o moje życie no cóż w nim nic się nie zmieniło choćbym bardzo tego chciała. Obecnie mam również stan zapalny prawego oka, a przez co? Przez dwufazowy płyn do demakijażu oczu firmy Lirene. Nie polecam go osobom, które nie miały z nim wcześniej do czynienia bo mogą się spotkać z przykrymi efektami ubocznymi. Wiem, że ostatnio strasznie mało piszę ale jakoś nie mam czasu, a to praca a to szkoła zawsze coś się znajdzie.


As the title says, for our Windows popped up by all eagerly awaited Sun. Today was a very beautiful until the wanted to get out of the House and enjoy every moment you have. This is probably a harbinger of the upcoming Spring strode. I am waiting eagerly for warmer days in order to be able to shed the winter jacket, dress lightly. And you also expect such light days? And when it comes to my life well in it nothing has changed very much, even if she wanted to. Now I also have inflammation of the right eye, and for what? By two-phase make-up Remover eyes company Lirene. I would not recommend it to people who don't have it to do because they can meet with unpleasant side effects. I know that the last terribly low write but somehow I do not have the time, and it's work and that the school always find something.

Witam po przerwie Hello after a break

Przepraszam, że rzadko tutaj bywam ale natłok nauki jest ogromny, czasami już nie daję rady Do tego dochodzi praca i inne obowiązki. Obecnie siedzę na łóżku z laptopem na kolanach otoczona książkami, które czekają aby się nimi zająć. Masa nauki mimo, że matura za rok. Nauczyciele nie rozumieją uczniów, dla nich ważne jest to by zrealizować temat i mieć święty spokój. Nie interesuje ich, że nie dajemy rady, że to za dużo. Masz to zrobić i koniec bo ocena niedostateczna. Niestety niesprawiedliwość nadal istnieje. Nikt tego nie powstrzyma . Pamiętam, że kiedyś szkoła była dla mnie czymś miłym bo mogłam dowiedzieć się nowych rzeczy, czegoś ciekawego nauczyć, obecnie mam jej dość. Jak można słuchać w kółko i to samo tego samego. To jest już przesada wystarczy to raz przerobić. Po co też uczyć się gdzie jest jakieś miasto czy obiekt skoro i tak mało nas to obchodzi bo nie mamy zamiar pojechać tam, a jeśli nawet to sami potrafimy odnaleźć informacje na ten temat. Na tym niestety zakończę gdyż muszę wracać do nauki. Na umilenie reszty dnia, a dla niektórych moich czytelników z tego co zauważyłam początku dnia pozostawiam piosenkę uczestniczki tegorocznej Eurowizji 2016 Aidy Nikolaychuk. Zaczęłam jej słuchać po tym jak przez przypadek wpadłam na nagranie rosyjskiego muzycznego show gdzie jej głos był niezwykły, sędziowie myśleli, że to nie ona śpiewa.

I'm sorry that I rarely visit here but the plethora of science is a huge, sometimes already do not give advice To that work and other obligations. Now I'm sitting on the bed with the laptop on my lap surrounded by books that are waiting to take care of them. The weight of science although the school for a year. Teachers don't understand the students, it is important for them to realise about it and have peace of mind. I'm not interested in them, they do not give advice that is too much. You have to do it and the end because insufficient assessment. Unfortunately there is still injustice. No one can stop. I remember that I used the school for me was something nice because I was able to learn new things, to learn something interesting, now I have it fairly. How can you listen to over and over again and the same thing of the same. This is already too much just this time. After which they learn where a city or an object once and so little we care because we have no intention to go there, and even if this alone we can find information on this topic. At the end, unfortunately, because I have to go back to science. To make the rest of the day, and for some of my readers from what I noticed early in the day I leave the song of this year's Eurovision Song Contest contestants 2016 Aida Nikolaychuk. I started to listen to it once by accident, I got a recording of the music of the Russian show where her voice was remarkable, the judges thought that it is not she sings.