Hi...

Hi,

I'm often not here and I don't write anything. Unfortunately, my life is getting worse and worse. I thought for a while that it was good. . . . However, it was temporary. I met great people and spent a nice time. I was even at the next edition of Fame MMA 3. What I felt when my friend won is indescribable. Everything was nice to this day. The boy I met a few months ago and I like him quite strongly because I'm jealous of him as I've never found out about one thing a month ago I borrowed 50 zlotys from our friend when I was on a trip and forgot to give him back. He said it to the one I like. It turned out that he probably broke his knowledge of what I understood and he doesn't want to deal with me. It feels like a wreck, a garbage. It was the first time I was so concerned. I care a lot about him and even if he doesn't see it, she would like me to be more than just a buddy. Everything is collapsing now. I have outstanding loans to repay, I can't find a job, I've been drawn into a crime unconsciously and the day after tomorrow I have a case in court to relinquish my stepfather's inheritance. I feel that with this colleague it will not be the same anymore. Recently he also wrote what I am doing on 1 April, i. e. today. We were supposed to meet. Today, when asked if we see each other, he wrote to me that let's rest, that he will only meet a friend and return home. Totally he forgot that he was arranging with me. I didn't write it to him, but I took a special day off, even though I need a lot of money now. I feel very bad at the moment and I want to throw everything away and run away. Close yourself in the room and don't leave it any more. I want to cry. I know it's stupid because in total he didn't give me any clear signs than he treated me like a friend but I just started to care about him, and now when I lose this knowledge my heart breaks. For the first time in my life I felt something so strong that I could be jealous of the boy and now she wanted me not to get to know him because I wouldn't suffer at least.

Never Back

I haven't been there for a long time. . . . I don't know why I let everything go, I left it. The multitude of thoughts and problems sometimes overwhelms me so much that I can't cope. Although I try to suppress feelings, what I feel does not always work. Sometimes it is very difficult to keep everything in check. It's hard not to show my friends and acquaintances how hard it can be to stop tears. . . . The moments where you have to smile stupidly pretend that everything is ok are the most difficult. It is difficult for me to enjoy someone's happiness when I lack my own happiness. I don't remember when I was happy. Probably at times as a child, when I spent time with my grandmother's holy memory. Now you can think whether I was happy with my parents. . . . I can't answer this question myself. I can't remember where I was happy, where I knew I was loved by them. It may be strange, but I never confessed to them that I love them. I also didn't hear from them that they love me.In addition, my dad died recently, and in fact my stepfather, because I don't know my real father. He brought me up and took care of me. Although he often had a drink, quarrels with his mother and at the age of 12 he shouted out to me that I wasn't his daughter, I remember how he picked me up from school, he taught me to cook broth. For several years I had no contact with him just as he gave me money. I now know that it was wrong on my part. My mother settled in the same way as I mentioned with her current fiancé and additionally she alienated me to my stepfather. Now he regrets it because in spite of everything he accepted me as his own daughter, he was at my birth. More than once he gave me money even if he hadn't had too much money himself. I was still worried about him, but I don't know why it was stupid for me to confess to myself and even more so to my mother. Now that he is no longer there is a week since his death, I regret it. I can't fix my case anymore. The worst thing is that I wasn't even at his funeral because I was afraid when other family members would look at me. I was afraid of the reactions of others, all in all, as always. I am a coward. I am afraid to express feelings, I prefer to keep feelings in myself than to talk about them because it is easier to do so. I don't know what to do. I got lost in my own life and I can't find myself.

Sometimes I think...

Sometimes I think that life likes to put obstacles on the way to us. Is not here talking about me but about a colleague, which is for me a close up and very worried about it. I'm worried because he has problems, and it is a very sensitive girl. I would like to help her somehow but I can not, I do not know how I could. Same I have never been on her site, not lost love. I do not know what you may feel now only do I guess and imagine.

Neck or nothing

Not long ago I wrote because I really didn't know what, I had no time. The life of a young person may seem easy, but it is only a semblance. Every day waiting for me the next challenge. Parents tell us that science is nothing difficult, records that this is no problem. Unfortunately, they are wrong. While adults have forgotten what it is like to be a student. Forget that pressure does not help. For me as a student 4 technical college still checking are not easy, often I have so that I am afraid, I forget everything what I have studied. A test, exam, baccalaureate . . . This can be compared to a job interview, a presentation, an instance of the. This is the same the same stress. Unfortunately, no one ever goes to this in this way. Teachers do not understand us, do not know how it is hard for us to learn to test this specific. Education is very important in a person's life, but not necessary. Because frankly you teach us what school we teach ourselves? Write, we can learn at home, like add, subtract, multiply, divide because more mathematics in life we will use. What us the volume of the pyramid or the height of the triangle, or its angle? This should be taught if you want, and you do not have to.But not everyone has to learn something which is not necessarily his life needed. I want to study journalism and Social Communication. Do you need me there the math? No, there I need Polish as much as possible. I am not writing this just for that, I'm opposed to education, not don't get it that way. Now sitting on the bed with the laptop on my lap just I put your thoughts. That's all. Life is not easy, no matter if you have 5 years or 50. We always have some problems. Everyone would like to have the best life, but not everyone has the chance to. Born in a family where the parents are not able to find love, no luck it is even more difficult because no one supports you in your quest to fulfill dreams. On the contrary, they can laugh at you, or just to say that you will not succeed. It does not help for sure. If my mom knew about this blog probably to me wyśmiała because I've never understood me, never we were and we are not close to each other. For it is that I want to be a journalist is nothing, argues that this does not work, I will not be able to keep. Last, even when I said that I am going to study in absentia and found that I can maintain itself. Unfortunately, we do not look at it that I've been working for more than a year to have only a little money on clothes or cosmetics to me because she did not gave it walk me soon studies which are not cheap. A month I will have to pay for them quite a lot, and wages in Poland are not high. With about a thousand of gold or about 230 euro nearly 103 euro will go monthly installment for college I have no way to itself completely. Unfortunately, she cannot see this, does not understand me and only me hurt . . .

Christmas Time☃🎅🏼👼🏼

Today, December 24th. For some it is a day full of love when the whole family meets together, in the end, this once a year. However, when some are others in this day are lonely. Think of others who do not have a loving family, they have no home, money. Simply in the world they can't afford anything. As each each giving gifts, not thinking about the fact that someone more likely to need although small gesture, not a gift worth 1000 gold, euro or dollars. Unfortunately, no one would think of such people. All only care about themselves. And where's the love for one's neighbor. God loves everyone no matter who he is. In this one day suddenly everyone pretends to be a believer. Because, as you can otherwise call it once throughout the year does not care about their faith, and in this one day so much believe? With the rest of the where the real Eve. Once she was not giving yourself as the most expensive, the best gifts only to spend time with family, the gifts were sometimes hand-made things. This was not something sophisticated. Remember also about others. People went out to the streets, to be able to share what they have with others. This has been replaced with expensive gifts for loved ones, drink alcohol, elaborate meals, expensive clothes. Christmas has lost its true charm, no longer are such as I used to and probably never will, not back to what it used to be. I this Christmas as I spend the same, without any elaborate dishes, gifts. I will not rozczulała over each other because I'm aware of the fact that there are so many people around the world who do not even have a roof over their heads. So I ask you the next time you are looking for some expensive gift think about others who are more in need of the money which will release someone to make you pleased. Not a better gift would be the ability to make others feel better someone? Make the smile on someone's face?

Best Friend? Who?

Sitting in front of a laptop overtook me, a thought that I think not only me touched. For sure in life also had a situation where the doubt that you have real friends. I do not have them, I say this being a 100%. I'm not so that someone I can talk to without barriers. Maybe it's better. I prefer to withhold some things because I know that I could later regret that he she knows. You can never trust someone in 100% because always the few percent of this uncertainty will be in the US. Is an inevitable part of the US. There will always be risks and fear. It may seem strange to you the unthinkable but it's the truth, I do not want to trust anyone in 100% because I do not want to suffer. In humans it is easy to drive. Little, however, we are talking about your feelings. Few people who openly talks about what he thinks or feels. A friend is the one who should go first. And what if he only pretends to be our friend? We can't be sure. We do not know the truth. 

A lot of people do not dare however prevent himself thinks he can be denied. Here on the blog I move topics that hardly anyone dares to. I wouldn't dare to write in your own language, none of my environment does not know about this blog. However, this blog lets me sometimes feel better. Throw yourself is what I feel. 

My snapchat: realmebl

Carnival of life?

Life is one great Carnival or perhaps skit itself did not know exactly. Every day we wake up not knowing really what will bring us this day, what will be next. Surround us people that really don't know although we give them all your cares and worries. We can never be sure that our secrets remain just for them, no one else to know. There is always the risk that most people take, and then regrets it. I don't want to take that risk, I'm not so bold, very afraid of suffering that will come. For me, it's something much more than a simple expression of their feelings of the other person. I prefer to close in on itself than someone talk about what I feel, I prefer to stop your feelings to yourself.

Why I say that life is a Carnival? Maybe that's why every day, each takes a different mask, which often can not guess. Every day we assume a different costume, costume. Waking up not know what disguise we will set up. We cannot predict what will happen the next day or in a few minutes. Everything we are planning may disappear for one small thing. 

Me and My Live

Here I throw posts and do not know what? Probably the only for myself because like for someone else when no one is there. Rather, you are not interested in the life of a boring Polish 19 year old girls with problems in everyday life. Well, however, I next I wrote because I find it easier to just withstand with all that surrounds me with life because sometimes me it transcends, probably not only me, but also i was. Sometimes everyone has such thoughts where has enough life would like to shut up in an empty room and shout. Well life is shit. Will never be well I guess, or at least as we wanted to. No but what next we go through life. Soon waiting me to start the next stage in life. Currently waiting for me, and then studies of course if I pass a high school diploma because if not the same I do not know what I do, not thinking about the possibility of not takes the exam. Well life is unpredictable so I can't predict what will happen tomorrow, let alone speaking for several months. 

Day of monotony

Long ago I was not. This is because, unfortunately, the lack of time. Now being in a class 4 technical college I have very little time for myself especially since I work every weekend. For me nothing has changed. Already working elsewhere, but other than that it's all the same. I still sometimes moments when I'm sick of everything but I try not to think about it although sometimes it is very heavy. However, I know that there are people that I can count. One such person is my sister, niece currently studying and living in Olsztyn, but sometimes arrives. Life is not easy, always throws us the logs under your feet. Sometimes we laugh, and for a while we cry. I, being the person who survives everything I have a harder time because everything in excess sometimes feel but never show what I feel with the other, all the feelings of the soul in itself. I can not in front of anyone to open enough to be honest to pain talk, say what you really feel. This is beyond my capabilities. Terribly concerned about others and I worry about them, but I can not share their problems with others. Sometimes we have moments where we have enough, I at least I have. A moment when I would like someone all say release it with each other, stop choke but I can not simply. I'm afraid that I will become a public persona, that someone did not treat seriously what I say, and then it's more being . . .

Depression :-( My live is good for nothing

Not long ago I have discussed here. The reason was simply had too little time to devote to writing. Now the storm got me depression, sadness, frustration. I still cry when I think about how I use and how I've given up on actually colleague. I do not know whether you did I mention but may I am deputy head at the store. My head and knew it well that from September back to school and my lesson plan can be so arranged, that finish late and did not have the problem, argued that somehow we'll manage. About a month ago, however, have stated that they do not want to I was further Deputy and that the search will be on my place someone, and I have to go to work on weekends, which is a position that really does not exist, the position from which I started. Today I learned that I can be moved to another shop because two people on weekends may not be. I feel horrible because I tried to as I could, everything I learned and I that I can cope. I did the errors because no one has trained me as an alternate, from mistakes to teach everyone. So many tears I lost because I really care about working in this store and this store. This is my first job and I know that's not there but I don't want to simply be moved to a different shop and learn everything from scratch, read with the composition. I doubt that I was so great and the friendly atmosphere which is currently. I'm broken down and I do not know what to do. Next month comes my successor, Deputy Head of the new, I obviously I need this to lose because I have less hours which is associated with lower earnings. If they wanted to move me to another store I thought about after talking directly with the boss about it. Now it is not about position because I can recover them as I finish school in April, and I can adapt to the new Deputy, it's just a post but it certainly will not be able to a new Deputy as much as me and knew so much about the brand and the customer. On the one hand, I feel like quitting this job, but I don't want to leave because they were drawn to this store where great coping and know everything, and the people I work with. I do not know how I help it if I take, I'm afraid. :(

Vacation/Vacances/Vacaciones/ MAZURY

Mrągowo, Ruciane-Nida - MAZURY

Back to life, to write

Hello after a long time of interruptions caused by the lack of a laptop, a Tablet would be hard to write me after all. What has changed for me? Actually, it's still I am alone I am working as Deputy Head of the clothing in the living room, I had recently quite a few problems related to work, unfortunately, Currently working I lose the urge to try to, I do not know why but after the last incident that was upsetting to me does not work to me as well as it used to be. Now still looks to me, looks at me which is horrible because the envy of other people and lies in work broke. Sometimes I have the feeling that you've been searching for someone else in my place, that someone will find it just me exempt. It worries me because with the current Director despite small clashes both orally very well and also with the other girls at work, and actually one because the current new girl is some strange, not done me good impression so far, I've noticed that the same thought and my friend from work, with that great to me also works and gets along. Currently working so far, almost every day I got used to this, and now in the holidays as I work after 10 hours I will have a lot of free. I have completely no idea how to use this time to the truth. And going back in the future for two months will again be school and unfortunately being in 4th grade school I will have problem to be able to work out a month 180 hours as the Deputy what bothers me even more because I do not want to give up the position or work because currently in Poland after graduation not having knowledge is to anyone, it is not so easy.

New I. Happy?

Hello again dear reader. In recent times of my life there has been a lot of changes and it's positive. I was Deputy head at work, she returned my friend from Ukraine in the end! Tomorrow I meet with her Oh I can not wait and I regret that I have to sit in school for 13 hours. I was not last because I fell my laptop on Friday the 13th, of course. But I already have a peace in place of a netbook so I immediately write. As at the moment I'm happy with your purchase, we'll see if it will be so after prolonged use. No but what I'm going to bother with what I bought. My life transforms, so far in the positive side of everything goes I am immensely happy because I have enough sorrow and tears he wants to start to enjoy life and not cry. I want to enjoy life and the happiness to share with others.

Back to memories

Sitting at home in the day off because we have a national day meditate and remember. Now when I sit in front of my laptop remind me of the moments in life that shaped me as I am now. I mention friends and enemies, moments that are gone, family and loved ones. Sometimes I want to change everything, go back to those moments to do something more or change something. I'm probably the only such person, but one of the few that are not afraid to talk about it, and actually write. Make a lot of mistakes in my life that I would like to fix it, which if I'd just may not have committed, I would never. While in College, along with her friend remember that steal money from class colleagues, who took them. Soon it all came to light. Now when these moments I recall it was not worth it, and eat such a humiliation for the stupid 40 PLN. But what we were then just children who are taught only life. I think, however, that it led me to who I am now, gave me a lesson for the future. Currently, I am a person in itself, others know me as much as they let me only. I prefer to read in the room than partying. I've been working out in the shop with clothing, and I've gotten honest to a fault, I try to live so that I don't have to be ashamed for itself. It is one of the many memories so that the rest is dearer. For example, as I stayed with friends, sleep in a tent in her back yard when we were wearing in two suddenly something started banging in tent and open closed entrance, I remember that awful to be afraid, but in the end, the same laugh at each other. We were very good friends. Unfortunately, the friend has not survived and fell apart in high school. It has changed drastically, so much so that her writings not, not in terms of appearance, but behavior became quite a different girl, but unfortunately I do not have time for me. It's sad how people changed society and how it's easy to forget about the people who were close to him. Sometimes sitting in the room it is writing saves me, it helps to pour out emotions roiling tides in me, emotions that can sometimes overwhelm me, with whom I can not cope. Writing is my stepping stone from it all, this is something that makes me great pleasure. Therefore, I would like to someday work as a journalist, and in his spare time to write stories because according to some I'm doing it as well. Maybe someday I will put here a slice of one of the stories. Maybe it will be on the occasion of the 1000 page views of your blog? The same I do not know.

Teachers and evaluation

Polish teachers break me anymore. I'm telling the truth. Consider today. A friend who is not passed from Polish and now it comes to my class have still problems with Polish. It stuck to the teacher to her since the beginning of the year, it is a visible and none of this does nothing. Example: I wrote to improve development on 5 and also wrote virtually identical to an essay a friend, she barely had two. Today, with the test I had to prove one of his his right to set me 5, but when it came to work friend teacher has set its just 1 for no reason because she had written at least 2 assessment. Just read your name on a piece of paper. In addition she was cheeky. So I ask where you have teachers who really suited to this profession, who assess fairly, and not for the fact that someone they like. I'm upset such a situation. And that kind of Poland has a higher level of education? Certainly not the culture because the culture itself requires that each be treated equally, it is as if someone judged on skin color or religion. Apparently, now you only need no such name to be evaluated. Getting worse happens in Polish schools. And wondering that young people flee from here, since there is no future. In the same school. Like how we have to prepare for it, since the Polish classroom reading are discussed on 2-3 lessons for math students must fend for themselves because they "do not understand" something of some teachers is not acceptable, and the English no longer mention, now if you yourself do not teach at home in school do not teach. Teachers should encourage students to help them solve problems and look for solutions. After this we go after school to get the knowledge that, and so for the most part to no avail.

Hello It's Me

Hejka then again I, so after a long break I decided to finally write something. I am currently a contrasting school still learning and science, Einstein or Hamlet. You can go mad, but oh well such is life. Recently, I was just wondering on how to make it look like my life if I hadn't gone to Harvard or Oxford. From what I read that there were on the Internet itself, it appears that the brew is so hard to not appearances to get on any of the University. But not looking too far into the future I'm curious what's going on with you dogs reader or czytelniczko. My life is currently in: I do not want to do anything in addition to healthy eating. Recently I started to mix the fruits of mixing them, they are delicious and very healthy. Now, to my taste a cocktail from banana, kiwi and oranges, it is delicious and even without added sugar it tastes wonderful. Do you also like something healthy to eat or drink instead of calories? I'm curious how many people also prefer healthier things.

If you have any questions and you do not want to ask them here go ahead write on meil: kasiula29. 04@gmail. com and feel free to track my:
 snapchat: mysiaa97
 instagram: memories.

Thank You!

I am blown away! After yesterday's post impressions very quickly grew to almost 500. It's really a feat. This excited me tremendously. Getting up in the morning when I saw the number of the day is immediately improved, each blogger seeing so fast growth will be really happy. Assuming your blog did not expect that will go on until the number of people. It's a very motivated to continue writing, letting their own feelings. You can forget about everyday life and, like reading a book mute so and writing for you. To this end and very thank for the fact that you are here.

In life, in fact, there are things worth fighting to the very end. - Paulo Coelho

How do you day has passed? Because me as somehow good, in high school I was only three hours. Was the day open to high school students so they can become familiar with the building and available opportunities for further learning. Showing them I noticed that they were very shy, afraid to try. I did so and I was able to go home. Ever since I came back to collect science for tomorrow because he is waiting for me tomorrow test of geography. So you have that you'd like to take to learn and you will not go? All of a sudden are there any commitments or you need to do something in the same time as you learn?
I have. I'm sitting already probably the fifth time next to the books and still went to them. Promises to be an interesting test this tomorrow.
And as for my good humor, I hope that this will remain so because if you've read my previous posts guessed that rarely are days when I'm in a good mood. In addition, I am pleased by the fact that over the nearly 4 months is more than 300 impressions. It really motivates you. Sometimes it is here by writing to let loose, relaxes. The addition of music, then what? It depends on the mood already.
Now I listen to while writing the text of the song:

I like it and you?

Easter-tears, melancholy

My life sucks. This is the truth. Easter, and I was alone at home, there is no even to speak up. All friends spend their time with their families. I unfortunately do not have a family, or at least that you interested in getting involved is what I feel and what I want. Sitting at home all the time, think practically. About my life and what it will be about the fact that others at the same time are among the people who love them. It's funny because I think I was the only I would like to live with your parents feel their love and enjoy their presence. I was not ever feel love, parental always missed me since I can remember. Melancholy comes at me especially in the holidays when I sit alone trying to recall a happy moment in my life involved with the family, but there is no such. The only light they are memories my foster grandmother, which I think that I loved because I felt that despite her anger when I did something wrong. With her I was happy with it I spent the most beautiful moments, even a trip to England after all was not so beautiful. My grandmother gave me love and happiness, now when it is not I was quite alone. I don't have one with you. Nobody can tell you what I feel for the truth, I have no friends that I could like to confide that I understood and not rejected. Because who would want to know someone like me. Pretending to be someone else better to me is to live, it's easier. No need to explain why I am sad and I have tears on the cheeks. Like everyone I love and happiness. Is it so much? Do I wish impossible? . . . Sometimes I fall asleep and never wake up, dreaming forever

Free Time,Terrorists, Bruxelles

As the title says I have a free school rests, and actually I rest. In Poland, Easter is coming so it's time to relax. Today, half of the day I spent on cleaning the House, doing spring cleaning. Now I just write this sitting and resting because tomorrow morning waiting for me. I do not know what to do. I do not have or inclination to draw or too much something to read, and in his mind the emptiness so stories don't you finish so far. A lot of impressions came and still comes which makes me extremely excited and motivated to write. I do not know whether to refer here by accident or you are really curious to know if you want me to answer this will be happy to read your comment. Maybe you have an idea, maybe something you wish you find out or see it on my blog, or maybe you have an idea to improve it because something is missing? We will gladly accept any help.

And now something about the last coup. Can You not celebrate or tired but I can't leave it just like that. It hurts me when I hear about subsequent attacks. Tule killed people who are innocent. Tears running down his cheeks, a sadness after their relatives everywhere. I do not understand why these terrorists so they want to be shocked the whole nation, not only of the opinion a horrible issue itself but about the people of the same nationality. I'm not against refugees or with them. I think that we should help each other because each one of us can meet such tragedy, people are bad guys and good guys. You good need help in the face of such tragedy. The same certainly myself never advise.
It is my opinion, and what is yours?